I assumed that the doctor would call this morning, considering that the test results were in his office last night when the nurse called me. I figured that he’d give them a quick review and would call to tell me everything was OK. It’s now 1 PM and I’m growing more and more anxious as the minutes pass.

The phone just rang, but it was my mom wondering if I had heard anything. She sounded disappointed, too.

I’m trying not to let this get to me, but it’s very hard. If it was something simple, or nothing at all, he would have called and told me that. What could be taking so long? I have these horrible images in my head that they’re studying the results, trying to figure out what is wrong and how to tell me. I try not to think about the horrible nightmares I’ve had recently – the ones where I’m sick. Very sick. The ones where I tour hospitals and treatment rooms. The ones where I hold my husband’s hand while laying in a chair with an IV in my arm. The ones where I die very young.

I need to try to focus on something else. I’m supposed to be working from home today, but I’m very tired, and now, incredibly anxious. I’m trying to tell myself that there is a simple reason that my doctor’s office hasn’t call yet.

I’m trying.

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