These are the words Patrick has uttered over and over today. His father was hospitalized on Thursday night and at 2:38 AM today we received a phone call from the hospital – his father went into cardiac arrest and was found unresponsive by the nurses. No heartbeat. No pulse. No breathing. They were able to resuscitate him, but he has remained unconscious and on a ventilator ever since. It has been a very long day in which we received even more bad news. His father began having seizures and was given anti-seizure medication. About 40 minutes later, he crashed again and was resuscitated. The neurologist reviewed his EEG and told us that while they still want to give him some more time, there was absolutely no brain activity between his seizures.

I have these brief moments when things seem normal – I’m getting Griffin’s diaper bag ready for day care, I’m cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, etc. All of a sudden I realize what is really going on. I can’t wrap my brain around it. I want it to go away. I don’t want Patrick to lose his father.

I keep hoping I’ll wake up from this awful nightmare…