A couple of months ago I started a second blog. It was all about how Patrick and I are trying to claw our way out of some serious debt. I was keeping up with it because a) I was motivated to get out of debt and b) I actually saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Things grew quite hectic over the past two months since we met with the counselors – the holidays and the unexpected death of my father-in-law. It has been difficult to keep up with that blog, so the stress of everyday life and my recent “screw it” attitude have forced me to just be open about this situation here.

Now that things have settled down some, we pulled out the paperwork and looked at things again. We had some questions and were a bit uncomfortable with some of the details of the plan, so we decided to do some more research. However, the financial situation is even more dire at this point. The bottom line is that we don’t have any money. Seriously. I know I’m prone to exaggeration, but I’m not kidding.

While I bring in a steady paycheck every other week, Patrick’s checks have been more…hit-and-miss. His small company (of which he is part owner) hit some rough patches last fall. Of course, this happened just as I was on those three weeks of unpaid maternity leave (when we decided it would be OK and we would make it through just fine).

Things are bad. We’ve drained our savings (which we always had for one of those “just in case” situations). I just never thought we’d run out. I got paid last week and Patrick didn’t. Nothing. Not even a portion of a paycheck. We can’t survive like this. I don’t know what we’re going to do.

I had to buy some medicine tonight – I went to the doctor this morning and I’ve got bronchitis again. I need an antibiotic and my inhalers. The bill was $43. I had a $20 in my purse, so I paid with that and the rest went on a credit card. We only have a little bit left in checking until Friday when I get paid again (and I pray that Patrick gets paid, too). Our phone was cut this afternoon and I paid by phone (cell phone, which I’m contemplating getting rid of) and took the money out of checking. The only reason I paid the bill was because I was afraid someone would call the house and find out that our phone was disconnected. I’m embarrassed by this whole situation. I’m depressed.

Oh…and a couple of weeks ago when things were looking up? I bought some Girl Scout cookies from our neighbors. We don’t even have money to pay for those. How pathetic is that?

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