I went back to the doctor yesterday for my third appointment. She showed me my paperwork with my official diagnosis:

Major Depressive Episode (moderate)

Specific Phobia/Generalized Anxiety Disorder

I’ve opted for no medication at this point. I’m not trying to prove a point to anyone. In fact, there are times when I would really, really like to take something because I just don’t think I can do it on my own. But that’s the whole problem. I know what I  really need to do to deal with this – everything I never did over the past 20 years. So without getting into the details, I’ve got a long road ahead of me. I’m not looking forward to it because it’s going to be a lot of hard work and a lot of retraining my brain to think and react differently, but I think it will work. It’s what I’ve known all along would work, but was too scared to try.

{This all sounds like some weird science experiment, but it’s just a form of therapy where you challenge your current way of thinking. I’m an all-or-nothing, black-or-white type of person. For example, I think I’m a horrible mom because of that time I didn’t want to be around Griffin when I was exhausted and had a migraine and he was fussing. I felt awful and guilty and I cried for two days. Am I really a horrible mom? No, but I need to retrain myself to stop thinking that way. That’s just one small example. The list could go on and on. And it does…}

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