June 29, 2010
I headed back to Blogger for a variety of reasons – mostly because the majority of blogs that I like to read are on Blogger. Whenever I want to comment, I have to go through this whole ordeal and let’s face it, I just don’t have that kind of time in my day. Besides, I found a pretty template for my new blog that I really like.
So hop on over to http://unencumberedlife.blogspot.com/ for the new and improved blog (OK, so it’s definitely new, but improved remains to be seen).
June 25, 2010
I love summer. I love the long days and being able to go outside without having to bundle up. I love sitting on our porch at night enjoying the weather and the sounds of our neighborhood (kids laughing and playing, the ice cream truck, people mowing their lawns).
Griffin loves summer, too. In fact, he loves it so much I can barely get him back in the house for dinner. He loves running in the grass in his bare feet and playing in his little pool. I don’t think he cares what he’s doing as long as he’s outside.
We went outside this morning so I could take him to day care. He immediately ran up to his little bike and sat on it and started saying, “Mommy…bike!” over and over. It was so sweet. I watched him for a while, wishing I didn’t have to go to work, wishing I could stay home with him and play outside. It’s days like this, these gorgeous summer days, when I get frustrated with work. I love what I do, but let’s face it, if I didn’t have to work I wouldn’t. Well, maybe something part-time just to keep my mind fresh. I feel like I miss out on so much with Griffin. I realize it on weekends when I don’t have to be anywhere. We snuggle on the couch and watch Curious George. I make him pancakes and we sit together at the kitchen table just eating and talking. I love those times with him – the everyday moments.
I have no idea why I’m going on and on about this. I guess it was one of those difficult mornings where I wanted so badly to stay home with him and play and giggle. I do have a whole week of vacation scheduled for the end of July. I’m really looking forward to doing all those little things with my Griffin.
My Griffin (with his curly hair and scratched nose!)
June 21, 2010
Griffin is a cuddly kid. As a baby, he loved to snuggle on Patrick’s chest or snuzzle his little face in the crook of my neck. Pure sweetness. As he got older, and mobile, those snuggling moments have come in the form of just before or after sleep. He’s ready for sleep or still a bit groggy after waking up, which means his little arms and legs that are usually moving non-stop are just too tired and he needs to sit still. I love sitting on the couch with him on my lap. His muscles start to relax and his body grows heavier. Sleep is not far off.
Despite his snuggly nature, Griffin won’t kiss me. Oh sure, there have been those rare moments when I bribe him with a graham cracker or a Hershey kiss, but never when I just ask for one. It used to break my heart, but then it became a running joke in our house, and then it just broke my heart again.
Yesterday, on Father’s Day of all days, Griffin was giving out kisses for free. We sat on our front porch and I leaned in close to him and said, “Can you give mommy a smooch?” And he leaned in and kissed me on the lips. All day, anytime I asked for a kiss, he gave me one. I even leaned in to tell him to give his daddy a smooch and he kissed me first, then ran over to Patrick to give him one.
Who knows if that will continue, or if yesterday was just a fluke, but I’ll take what I can get.
June 11, 2010
May 21, 2010
Griffin developed a nasty ear infection at the very end of April (including a temp of 103). After ten days on amoxicillin, he continued to rub at his ear and be completely irritable. OK, so some of his behavior is also due to the fact that he is just about to turn two years old. We took him back to the doctor on Monday and the ear infection never cleared up, so he was placed on a ten-day dose of Augmentin. Now, just four full days into that treatment, he starts rubbing his ear again and whining. Today we start round three of antibiotics. This time it’s Omnicef. At his appointment on Monday, the doctor said that if this doesn’t clear up quickly, or if he still has fluid in his ears at his two-year check-up, we’ll be referred to an ENT and he’ll have to have tubes placed in his ears.
At this point, he’s had about eight ear infections. The majority of those have come in the past ten months. As much as I don’t want him to have to go through the surgery (and yes, I’m very aware that it only takes 15-20 minutes, but it’s still surgery and he’s my baby), I’m ready. Ear infections in toddlers are way worse than teething.
So, yeah, I pretty much went from being swamped at work to being swamped at home – let’s not even mention the fact that in the past few weeks Patrick has travelled to Charlotte, NC twice (he’s there now) and Colorado Springs. I’m not sleeping much and it’s taking its toll on me.
I hope round three of antibiotics works. For Griffin’s sake and for mine.
May 6, 2010
I hate to keep saying this, but I have been swamped the past month. I’ve written more grants than I care to remember, we’re in the midst of celebrating our agency’s 40th anniversary (which includes a huge special event and fundraising), and like usual this time of year, we have our annual golf event.
The golf event is on Monday and that day can’t get here soon enough. It’s the build-up to that day that just about kills me each year. Imagine planning a wedding for 200 people every year, but without the fancy dress, dancing, and cake.
I’m looking forward to blogging more once the event is over.
April 16, 2010
No, not “I love you,” but rather “Mama, ball rolling.” OK, so in Griffin’s toddler-talk it sounds more like, “Mama, baw row-ee,” but we know what he means. He even points to the ball as it rolls down the driveway.
It might not seem momentous to anyone else, but this officially marks Griffin’s first 3-word sentence. I’m a proud Mama.
April 8, 2010
April 6, 2010
Life has been tough lately. OK, so that makes me sound melodramatic and incredibly ungrateful for the fact that I have a job and a healthy family. I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but things really have been tough.
No news on the job front for Patrick. We did get an extension on our unemployment benefits, so now instead of having them run out in mid-March, we have until early June. I think we might be eligible for another extension, but we’re hoping Patrick is employed by then.
I continue to be amazed at how extensive the effects of unemployment can be on a family. I am overwhelmed with being the only one bringing home a paycheck. Don’t we all have those days when wejust want to tell our boss we quit? We don’t really do it, but the fact that we could is enough to sustain us for another few weeks. I am swamped at work – too many deadlines and not enough time or energy. The fact that I can’t just up and quit my job (even though I wouldn’t really do that) is suffocating. There is such an enormous amount of pressure on me to stay employed (let’s not even discuss the Illinois budget and the fact that I work for a non-profit that is expecting to see major cuts).
But that’s not the only effect. There’s this constant biting of my tongue that I must engage in so I don’t say something angry or spiteful toward Patrick. I don’t blame him for his situation (although I do go over and over in my head all the ways he could have circumvented this situation), but there are times when I want to say something to him. Something like, “Since you don’t have a job, would it hurt you to run the vacuum/wash some pots and pans/fold the laundry/fix the window in Griffin’s room/etc.?” It’s such a delicate balance of being supportive and not going over the deep end myself because I take on all the responsibility.
I know that being unemployed is having an effect on Patrick. I can see it in his face and in the way he sits and in his voice. I feel for him. I know he feels a sense of responsibility to our family and he’s doing everything in his power to help. It’s hard to watch and it’s even harder to walk on eggshells each and every day.
We have gotten to the point where we are accepting help from places we never imagined. We’re still waiting to hear if Griffin will be covered through the state of Iowa for his health insurance. There was a lot of paperwork that needed to be completed/submitted and I think we might finally know something by next week. For now, we can’t afford his medication, but because I work for a social service agency, I’ve been pointed in the right direction to a couple of places that might be able to help us out with the cost of his epi-pen. We tried to apply for assistance from WIC so we can pay for some groceries for Griffin (milk, bread, juice, peanut butter, etc.), but we make just a bit too much to qualify.
I told Patrick the other day that he and I have both been in denial about our situation. We have been living on one paycheck and unemployment for almost one year. We have drained our savings. We have borrowed from both of our families. We cannot pay for our mortgage, credit card debt (even just the monthly minimums), utilities, groceries, and day care. We owe more than we make each month, but somehow we’ve “gotten by.” Some people get paid, some don’t. But it has caught up with us.
I always felt like we weren’t as bad off as some other people. But I don’t think that’s the case anymore. We are the people who don’t make enough to get by each month, but make just a few too many dollars to get help. I finally told Patrick that we need to get help wherever we can and in whatever form – food pantry for some of the basics, local agencies for Griffin’s medication and help with our utility bill (so that doesn’t get shut-off), the home retention program through our mortgage company (we’re already in a trial period), etc. Whenever I think about this I feel as though I’m taking help away from someone else. Maybe things aren’t as bad as I think. Then I look at my checkbook and the stack of unpaid bills. I see that the mortgage company has sent yet another letter threatening to take our home. I receive another phone call from a debt collector. Add all of those up and we deserve the help as much as the next person.
I don’t think Patrick wants to think we’re at this point. I believe he still thinks we’re going to be OK the way things are. We’re not. He keeps saying that once he gets a job “everything is going to be OK.” Eventually, yes, but not right away. We’re going to have to work our way out of this pit.
So for now, I am the one who calls for help. I will be the one to go to the local church and get some free food. I will be the one to wait and see if we qualify for Medicaid for Griffin. I will be the one who apologizes every time a bill is late. I will be the one who begs for a little bit more time to find money to pay our mortgage. Just another burden added on my shoulders.
March 16, 2010
I’m still writing my novel. I just wanted to say that – I haven’t mentioned it in a while. With everything going on lately (see the last few posts), it has fallen on my list of priorities, which pretty much sucks when you realize that it’s one of the few things that I have for myself (because as much as I love to cook, when it becomes a have to instead of a want to, all the fun is sucked right out of it).
My problem is that I get the urge to write at the worst possible times – like when I’m rocking Griffin, or while sitting in my 3-hour management meetings, or when it’s 11:30 PM and I have to be up at 5 AM and I know I need to sleep. Ack! It’s frustrating.
I need a new deadline to keep me motivated. I miss NaNo and all the excitement and pressure of trying to write almost 2,000 per day. I thought about trying to trick myself into writing like that again, but I’m way too smart to fall for it. Oh well, I guess I’ll just keep plugging away at it little by little…
 | Jason on Right now |
 | Katie Ganshert on Right now |
 | Megan on Round three |
 | Christina Heald on Seeing shadows |
| Christina Heald on Round three |
An Unencumbered Life 
