Summer

I love summer. I love the long days and being able to go outside without having to bundle up. I love sitting on our porch at night enjoying the weather and the sounds of our neighborhood (kids laughing and playing, the ice cream truck, people mowing their lawns).

Griffin loves summer, too. In fact, he loves it so much I can barely get him back in the house for dinner. He loves running in the grass in his bare feet and playing in his little pool. I don’t think he cares what he’s doing as long as he’s outside.

We went outside this morning so I could take him to day care. He immediately ran up to his little bike and sat on it and started saying, “Mommy…bike!” over and over. It was so sweet. I watched him for a while, wishing I didn’t have to go to work, wishing I could stay home with him and play outside. It’s days like this, these gorgeous summer days, when I get frustrated with work. I love what I do, but let’s face it, if  I didn’t have to work I wouldn’t. Well, maybe something part-time just to keep my mind fresh. I feel like I miss out on so much with Griffin. I realize it on weekends when I don’t have to be anywhere. We snuggle on the couch and watch Curious George. I make him pancakes and we sit together at the kitchen table just eating and talking. I love those times with him – the everyday moments.

I have no idea why I’m going on and on about this. I guess it was one of those difficult mornings where I wanted so badly to stay home with him and play and giggle. I do have a whole week of vacation scheduled for the end of July. I’m really looking forward to doing all those little things with my Griffin.

My Griffin (with his curly hair and scratched nose!)

 

Always have to steal my kisses from you

Griffin is a cuddly kid. As a baby, he loved to snuggle on Patrick’s chest or snuzzle his little face in the crook of my neck. Pure sweetness. As he got older, and mobile, those snuggling moments have come in the form of just before or after sleep. He’s ready for sleep or still a bit groggy after waking up, which means his little arms and legs that are usually moving non-stop are just too tired and he needs to sit still. I love sitting on the couch with him on my lap. His muscles start to relax and his body grows heavier. Sleep is not far off.

Despite his snuggly nature, Griffin won’t kiss me. Oh sure, there have been those rare moments when I bribe him with a graham cracker or a Hershey kiss, but never when I just ask for one. It used to break my heart, but then it became a running joke in our house, and then it just broke my heart again.

Yesterday, on Father’s Day of all days, Griffin was giving out kisses for free. We sat on our front porch and I leaned in close to him and said, “Can you give mommy a smooch?” And he leaned in and kissed me on the lips. All day, anytime I asked for a kiss, he gave me one. I even leaned in to tell him to give his daddy a smooch and he kissed me first, then ran over to Patrick to give him one.

Who knows if that will continue, or if yesterday was just a fluke, but I’ll take what I can get.

 

Right now

• I’m waiting for the painkillers to kick in so my migraine will go away.
• I’m eating Goldfish crackers because the meds leave a funny taste in my mouth.
• I’m daydreaming instead of working.
• I’m grateful for Patrick taking Griffin into day care this morning – my head was hurting too much to deal with the daily battle of getting Griffin dressed and out the door.
• I’m happy that it’s Friday – looking forward to playing with Griffin this weekend.
• I’m proud that I’ve been keeping up with my writing goal.
• I’m determined that I will finish this first draft by Griffin’s birthday (July 22) – only 21,969 more words.
• I’m disgusted with the Chicago Cubs, yet I feel compelled to watch each game.
• I hope my boss approves my request for a week of vacation at the end of July so I can play with Griffin and prepare for his 2nd b-day party
• I’m grateful for our state-issued health insurance for Griffin. It has saved us hundreds of dollars so far…maybe even thousands once Griffin gets his ear surgery. In all honesty, based on our income, we pay NO premium, NO co-pay, and all of his generic meds are free. I can’t say enough how absolutely grateful I am to the state of Iowa.

 

Round three

Griffin developed a nasty ear infection at the very end of April (including a temp of 103). After ten days on amoxicillin, he continued to rub at his ear and be completely irritable. OK, so some of his behavior is also due to the fact that he is just about to turn two years old. We took him back to the doctor on Monday and the ear infection never cleared up, so he was placed on a ten-day dose of Augmentin. Now, just four full days into that treatment, he starts rubbing his ear again and whining. Today we start round three of antibiotics. This time it’s Omnicef. At his appointment on Monday, the doctor said that if this doesn’t clear up quickly, or if he still has fluid in his ears at his two-year check-up, we’ll be referred to an ENT and he’ll have to have tubes placed in his ears.

At this point, he’s had about eight ear infections. The majority of those have come in the past ten months. As much as I don’t want him to have to go through the surgery (and yes, I’m very aware that it only takes 15-20 minutes, but it’s still surgery and he’s my baby), I’m ready. Ear infections in toddlers are way worse than teething.

So, yeah, I pretty much went from being swamped at work to being swamped at home – let’s not even mention the fact that in the past few weeks Patrick has travelled to Charlotte, NC twice (he’s there now) and Colorado Springs. I’m not sleeping much and it’s taking its toll on me.

I hope round three of antibiotics works. For Griffin’s sake and for mine.

 

Those three little words

No, not “I love you,” but rather “Mama, ball rolling.” OK, so in Griffin’s toddler-talk it sounds more like, “Mama, baw row-ee,” but we know what he means. He even points to the ball as it rolls down the driveway.

It might not seem momentous to anyone else, but this officially marks Griffin’s first 3-word sentence. I’m a proud Mama.

 

Spring Time

“Sweet springtime is my time is your time is our time for springtime is love time and viva sweet love.”

~ ee cummings

 

Seeing shadows

Our day care provider sent me this picture of Griffin. She took it today at Rocket Park:

I love this picture. I love that I can see the back of his neck – the soft neck that I kiss every chance I get. I love the swirl of blond hair on the back of his head.  I love that I can see him giggling. I love that he is in mid-run, heading for the slides or swings. I love that he does everything – including playing – with so much passion and gusto. I love that Spring is just around the corner, and then Summer, which means that this is only the first of many visits to the park. Most of all, though, I love him. I love everything that makes him Griffin – his sweet little face, the way he says “puppy,” how he dances when he hears music, the inflection in his voice as he tries to ask me “Where’d it go?,” the way he giggles when someone hands him a chocolate chip cookie. Little Baby Griffin is growing up, but will always be my baby.

 

Three more months

I’m back again after another long blogging hiatus. Things have been hectic. Griffin got really sick again, this time with a case of double pneumonia. Poor baby missed an entire week of day care. Normally, Patrick and I would check our schedules and see who could stay home what day and then we’d just take turns taking a day off from work. Here’s the thing…something I have been avoiding writing about because, well, it’s embarrassing. We couldn’t take turns this time because only one of us is employed right now. That person is me.

I’m not even going to go on and on about why this is the case. Let’s just say the economy is to blame. Patrick has been collecting unemployment since July 2009. And before anyone jumps to any conclusions, Patrick has not been searching for a job that whole time. The unemployment benefits were supposed to be a temporary solution while his company got back on their feet. He made the decision a couple of months ago to actively search for a job, which he has been doing all day and all night since December. Also, I don’t want to hear about how he should have thought more about his family when he started on unemployment and looked for a job back then, because I’ve had the discussion with him numerous times. He was being loyal and didn’t want to leave them in a bind. Patrick’s a good guy, but look where that got him.

And to top it all off, we lost our health insurance at the end of February. I signed Patrick and myself up on my work plan, which means we’re down another $265 per month. If I signed up the whole family, I would have paid $530 per month – we just couldn’t afford that. So, I signed the boys up for HAWK-I services that are offered through the State of Iowa for uninsured children whose family meets specific income limits. Say what you want about Iowa, but they know how to take care of their children. The most we would pay for their health insurance would be $40 per month.

Patrick’s had some interviews and there is a really good job that’s basically waiting for him, but the position won’t open until summer. He’s going back to bartending, which I dread, but we don’t have many options at this point. His unemployment runs out in three months. Three months. That’s it. We are way behind in our mortgage (I get to field those calls just about every day). We can’t afford to pay it now with my salary and his unemployment checks. But in three months, we’ll only have my salary…and I work for a non-profit. You do the math.

 

Missing in action

Just as I vowed to post more often (like I used to do), everything came crashing in on me. Griffin got over his bout of bronchitis and finally got all the steroids out of his system only to get sick again last week. Another case of bronchitis, but this time it wasn’t responding to his antibiotics. When I picked him up out of his crib on MOnday morning, he was hot to the touch. I felt the heat from his skin burn through his pajamas and even through my pants. His temp was 103 and he was miserable.

After a trip to the ER and another chest x-ray, the doctor came in and told me it was double pneumonia. We had to pick up a really strong antibiotic, rotate Tylenol and Motrin every three hours for the next 48 hours, and give him lots of liquids (he stopped eating and lost over a whole pound).

I’ve been swamped at work and have some major deadlines hanging over my head. Patrick agreed to watch Griffin for the rest of the week so I could go to work, but early on Tuesday morning, Patrick complained of a sore throat. Let me preface this part of the story by telling you that Patrick never complains about feeling sick and he rarely goes to the doctor. When he called me around 12 PM and said he was going to the doctor, I just about fell off my chair. The doctor diagnosed him with influenza and started him on Tamiflu. Patrick had a temperature of 102 for the next couple of days and I wasn’t able to go to work. I couldn’t leave Patrick, who couldn’t get out of bed, to take care of Griffin, who had pneumonia.

By Wednesday night I was sick again (I had a cold last week). I developed a horrible sore throat, cough, and headache. I ended up with a sinus infection, a bronchial infection, and a flare-up of my asthma. So now I’m using the nebulizer, have antibiotics, and am on Prednisone.

Long story short, I missed a shit-load of work and I spent my weekend writing grants. Thankfully, my parents are wonderful and came to visit this weekend to help us get back on our feet. They bought us some groceries and helped sanitize our house.

Summer can’t get here soon enough…

 

The past couple of weeks

I haven’t posted in a while, and I feel really bad about that. It’s not that so many people read this and are dying to know what’s going on in my life that makes me feel so bad about slacking off. It’s more that I have had so many different things I want to write about, but haven’t had the time or haven’t made the time. All of a sudden two weeks have gone by and I haven’t written anything.

First things first, my grandpa is doing OK after that fall. Apparently he hit his head on a table. He didn’t need any stitches, but did have to have a tetanus shot. He ended up falling again just two days later. These incidents made me think about a post I want to write about him – I just need to make the time to sit down and do it.

I celebrated my 37th birthday a couple of weeks ago. My family came up to celebrate and on my actual birthday, we went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants (Los Agaves). Griffin ate his first churro and somewhere Patrick has a picture of me wearing a giant sombrero that the waiter put on my head when everyone sang to me. I’m sure it will come in handy if he ever wants to blackmail me someday.

Griffin was sick again last week. Another bout of bronchitis, plus two ear infections. The steroids made him a complete maniac. No naps. Lots of aggression. Definitely a rough week for all of us. I did try to find the humor in the situation byfilming him in one of his steroid-induced frenzies. Enjoy (and know that I’m going to do my best to post more often):